Identify and Set Aside Self-Sabotaging Fears
As an executive coach, I help people overcome barriers, both work-related and personal. Many of these barriers are fear based: I’m not good enough; I don’t have the right education or experience; I’m not ready yet, I’m too old, etc.
Fear of failure, rejection, criticism, judgment, responsibility and so on sidelines too many people and leaves them watching others succeed who are similarly—or, at times, less qualified.
In coaching, clients are guided in connecting with their strengths and values, as well as identifying their saboteurs—the inner critics that, if given the power, can hold them back from chasing their dreams and achieving their goals. Fear underlies many of our saboteurs. But every one of us has experience in overcoming fears.
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”- Wayne Gretzky
Think about it: Your first day at a new school, performing a recital, giving a speech, taking the road test to get your first driver’s license, asking for that first date with someone special. These are the kinds of situations we’ve all found ourselves in where we needed to conquer our fears to succeed.
Did we let fear of rejection or failure stop us? Of course not. We observed others in the same or similar situations and found courage. In the moment, we set aside our fears. What we wanted was in front of us and we understood we needed to take a first step to reach it.
Recently, I had to self-employ some coaching concepts to help pursue one of my longtime goals. Specifically, I wanted to re-engage with the martial arts practice of Aikido. Beginning in my late teens through my thirties, I practiced and taught karate, then transitioned to Aikido. I loved it, but eventually my commitments to work and family took precedent, and I was relegated to feeding my passion by watching martial arts movies. Entertaining, but not fulfilling or in line with my values for growth in martial arts and physical fitness.
So, in March 2023, after a near 30-year hiatus, I stepped back into an Aikido dojo, but not before overcoming some fears—Was I too old now? Could I handle the pain practicing break falls would surely render? I also had to overcome an objection from my wife who with loving intent suggested the practice of Tai Chi might be more suitable for me in this stage of life.
I am so glad that I did not allow my fears to stop me from pursuing this life passion, nor did I let my wife convince me to take a gentler path. The workout is more demanding than it was in my 30s, but worth it to me. To date, I’ve completed more than 100 training sessions and recently passed my third promotional test—6th kyu, green belt. I enjoy the practices and I’m more capable in Aikido, but I no longer worry about achieving black belt rank or competing with anyone other than myself. My desire is to learn and improve in something I enjoy. And I’m getting a great workout in the process!
Acting on our desires is powerful. It enables us to explore what is compelling to us about a given area of interest, then determine if we want to exert our energy there or redirect it to a pursuit that resonates with us in a more positive way.
Coaching helps clients succeed in overcoming fear
Once my coaching clients connect with their strengths and values and identify their saboteurs, I help them define their goals and make an action plan for achieving them. Overcoming fear is critical to this phase. Specifically, there are three actions that help coaching clients break through the fear barrier and accomplish their goals:
1) Face fears through action. The first step is to take the first step. To act, rather than let your fears take control. Plan for pursuing your goal in manageable increments without demanding excellence at each juncture. Just get started. Fine tuning can wait. Stop dwelling on what can go wrong. Instead, concentrate on what can go right. Reducing your fear to reality ratio to less than one will help you overcome your fears.
2) Stop comparing. It’s said that comparison is the thief of joy. Too many people I’ve seen react negatively to someone else’s success, even when it has nothing to do with their own situation. Getting clients to focus on their own goals and dreams begins with having them do a self-assessment of where they are now with respect to the standards they need to meet to reach their desired outcome. With that awareness they are able to make realistic plans and set timetables critical to achieving results.
3) Overcome limiting beliefs. Many people are held back by their own limiting beliefs. Two examples of limiting beliefs I have helped leaders overcome include (a) – thinking no one else can do the job better or quicker than you; and (b) – believing a project must be done like you have done it in the past or how you envision it. These limiting beliefs are often fear based by not wanting to give up control or be judged as not knowing how to deliver on commitments. I help leadership clients understand that, in (a), if they fail to delegate work and don’t develop others to do the work, they will limit their effectiveness to do more strategic or valued work. In (b), they may micromanage and not get team involvement and creativity in finding an optimum way to deliver the project.
Executive coaching offers many more techniques and ways to move people forward by overcoming their fears, leading to better individual and organizational performance.
How can executive coaching help you or your organization overcome fear to drive greater success and move to the next level?
##
Lance Hazzard, PCC, CPCC, is a certified Executive Coach and Executive Team Coach helping people and organizations achieve success. Lance and Eric T. Hicks, Ph.D., co-authored Accelerating Leadership, published in June 2019. Lance is Executive Coach and President at Oppnå® Executive & Achievement Coaching. More information on the book, Lance and Oppnå® Coaching can be found at the links below: